Freedom Schmeedom

So my mom's friend comes over today.

She's a buxom woman, all ample chest and rippling thighs. Top that off with a shock of fake brown-streaked hair and you've got one hell of a woman.

So she settles down on the couch, occupying about 2/3 of the available space, and booms:

"AKANKSHA! HOW ARE YOU? WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR THE VACATIONS?"

Me: *small, meek voice* "Uh...I'm going to Goa."

Her: GOA?????? *eyes the size of flying saucers*
*turns to my mom*
YOU'RE LETTING HER GO TO GOA??????

Mom: *pretentiously detached, uncaring voice* "I have to let her be free now. I can't make decisions for her. Let her ruin her own life if she would like to do so." *Acting all cool*
And...wait for it...
*Shrugs*

Me: *eyeroll, reciting mentally stored list of goody-goody things* I-will-not-wear-a-bikini-I-will-wear-a-one-piece-with-a-swimming-cap-I-will-not-drink-I-will-not-do-drugs-I ---

MF (the most appropriate acronym for Mother's Friend :P): This is immature behaviour, Akanksha! What is this I will not do this I will not do that. So immature you are. Sometimes things just happen *suggestive glance*

Me: *mentally throwing up* I kind of have BRAINS

MF: *waving a dismissive hand* What brains? You can't have brains. You will just get carried away and do things....*suggestive glance #2*

Me: *mentally screaming OH MY GOD OH MY GOD YOU CANNOT BE SEX-TALKING ME*

Mum: *seizing the opportunity* You only talk to her. She will not listen to her poor mother. *dramatic exit with teacups in tow*

Me: Oh dear god..

MF: You know, let me tell you a story about my daughter. She went clubbing once and I allowed her, but I didn't allow her the next day, when her friends got arrested for drugs!!! In fact she was very thankful to me after that and said "Thank you mama I am so happy you stopped me from going"

Me: ....

MF: So really think about it. 2 people just got raped in Goa. It's been SO BAD IN GOA and I know what youngsters do in Goa. *suggestive glance #3*

Me: *getting kind of scared now* OK fine!! stop doubting me! I said I won't do anything!!

MF: AGAIN NOT DOING ANYTHING? SO IMMATURE AKANKSHA!!!!!!

Me: Noooooooooooooooo........

MF: [ long lecture about doing things which I cannot record here ]

Me: *walks out of the room* Mom, what's for dinner?

Mom: Channa and rice. Anyway who cares about me? What do I get in return for cooking dinner?

Me: ...okay...

Mom: I know you're going to Goa with that AJ.

Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Yuck! No, no, no!

Mom: But I have lost faith in you. You cheated your mother by going out with him in the first place. You lied to me. You *insert string of accusations here*

Me: *disgusted look* ..I won't do it

Mom: That you will just say. I know what you will do. Anyways *nonchalant shrug* do what you want. I have no control on you anymore. If you want to sleep with boys, then by all means go ahead.

Me: (mentally) OH MY GOD WHY DON'T YOU JUST CANCEL MY TICKET IF YOU HAVE SO MANY ISSUES? OR JUST INSTALL A CCTV IN THE HALL?

(really) Oh. Do you want to cancel my ticket? *equally nonchalant shrug*

Touche.

Mom: No. Whatever. Don't misuse your freedom.

Freedom, Schmeedom.