Changes

I'm at this juncture in my life where I need to decide what to do with the rest of it. 

It's a little early for me to be having a midlife crisis, but imagine this: if I died today, I would not have lived at all. 

1992-Present

???????????

Loved by ????

Remembered fondly by ????

I've come to a land of opportunities and done nothing to seize them. Starting today, that's going to change. I'm going to do yoga, salsa dance, write, go to class, love, party, work, drink starbucks, eat mac and cheese and watch movies in foreign languages. 

I'm going to be a better friend than I have ever been before. And a better girlfriend, too.

Starting today, I'm going to try to make every day a day well lived.

Issues

It's been a while since I blogged. I could say it's because I'm done with the pretentiousness of the TMI-generation, but really, I'm not. I'm just as eager to put myself out there as anyone else is. 

The problem?

There are some things that are just too difficult to put into words. 

My thoughts, feelings, insecurities, deviances, worries, anxieties, crises - I wish I wasn't alone with them. I wish I could get advice, help, support, love....whatever it takes.  

All I wish for is the one nameless panacea that can save me from everything that messes me up inside. 

I can't put the feeling into words but yet people can sense it - in old comments, photos, memories, tweets, blogposts- thoughts, feelings, insecurities, deviances, worries, anxieties, crises - they're splashed all over your news feed, this blog, that website, those comments. 

I had stopped blogging in an attempt to hide from the world, to stop baring my soul and my vulnerabilities for all to see. I wanted to hide my fears, gloss over my secrets and bury my anxieties with silence.

But now I've realized that I'm too late. 

You look at me like you could save me
You could, you know...

Six Months *_*

It turns out that I have spent six months in a relationship with somebody without being sick of them. For me, this is a stellar accomplishment, especially considering that I am something of an eternally single cat lady/a free spirit.

When I think back to how we started dating, it doesn't really make much sense at all. But in my life, things rarely ever make sense. I'm just glad it happened.

I can safely say that I've never been romantically loved before. But I feel it now - and - I'm not going to lie, it feels pretty damn awesome. It's also a little hard to believe, since I am principally defined by my flaws and quirks: I am morbidly obsessed with ice and coffee, I am often unpredictable, I am secretly a cat, I sometimes let my life spiral out of control and I am an old soul on the inside. And on to physical deformities: I have gaping pores, remain stubbornly flat-chested and have no idea how to style my hair, so it always just floats about in the wind like a mass of brownish-gold seaweed.

With relationships in general, I try not to let myself go at such a premature stage. But we've been doing long distance, and for some reason, that makes me feel like we've fast-forwarded through the normal pace of a relationship by being so absolutely committed at such an early stage.

I'm a lucky girl...I know it. Girls everywhere want to have what I have. I love him - and I value this relationship more than I've ever valued any other one in my life. I really hope I can hold on to it for many many many more happy months to come :)

Day 30

A Picture of Someone You Miss

[See below]

Day 29

A picture that can always make you smile

Justttt this honestly adorable picture :P

Day 28

A picture of something you're afraid of.

**SHUDDER**

blood