Scattered, shattered
Glass.
Failing, falling
Tears.
Release, disease
Pain.
Blinking, thinking
Introspection.
Crowded, clouded
Disillusionment.
Jumping, pumping
Adrenaline.
Pining, shining
Diamonds.
Screaming, dreaming
Catharsis.
Loving, leaving
You.
Me
- BeautyInTheBreakdown *
- Boston, Massachussetts, United States
- I'm not limited to the blank canvas I was born as. My life is an eclectic melange of vivid colour. I float in a sea of multifarious musings, ranging from worlds of lime green skies and copper stars to winged objects and fairy dust. I am the flirtatiousness of cherry chap-stick, the depths of the cerulean ocean and the violet skies of Monet. I am the brooding dark green of dense foliage, the crimson tint in a blushing girl’s cheeks; the purple of bruised limbs. The complexity of my thoughts keeps evolving, I grow and shrink alternately. I cannot be contained or restrained. The French language is my drug and acne is my worst enemy. I laugh a little too much and am a romantic in the extreme sense. I’m likely to steal the stars from the sky, but my aims remain grounded in reality. I can’t be pigeonholed into a single stereotype, because all labels apply to me at different points in time.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Aimless Letter to Nobody in Particular
There is never a good reason for doing this. [Never.]
The problem lies here.
My trust in you has now been damaged, and things will never be the same again. I will never see you through these disillusioned eyes ever again. Selfless, unconditional love has no benefits.
What would stop you from doing it again? It didn't stop you the first time. Or the second, or the third, or the fourth. Things just don't get any lower than that.
There will be no revenge and no repurcussions.
There will be silence.
To undermine you and me this way has put a pin on where your loyalties lie and how much you were willing to put into my life.
Where do I go from here?
This time, I won't trust a single lie. This time I'm going to be selfish. This time I'm going to move on. This time I will put my feelings first. Over time, I might even forgive this.
But forget it? Never.
I can hear a scratchy lead pencil drawing up a mini-checklist as I writ this.
- Can I trust you again? No.
- Can I see myself happy with you again? No.
- Can I ever love you the way I did yesterday? No.
The bottom line: I've been trodden on by the one person I loved unconditionally and expected nothing I would normally expect from. There is nothing in this situation I can ignore.
For now, you have changed everything.
The problem lies here.
My trust in you has now been damaged, and things will never be the same again. I will never see you through these disillusioned eyes ever again. Selfless, unconditional love has no benefits.
What would stop you from doing it again? It didn't stop you the first time. Or the second, or the third, or the fourth. Things just don't get any lower than that.
There will be no revenge and no repurcussions.
There will be silence.
To undermine you and me this way has put a pin on where your loyalties lie and how much you were willing to put into my life.
Where do I go from here?
This time, I won't trust a single lie. This time I'm going to be selfish. This time I'm going to move on. This time I will put my feelings first. Over time, I might even forgive this.
But forget it? Never.
I can hear a scratchy lead pencil drawing up a mini-checklist as I writ this.
- Can I trust you again? No.
- Can I see myself happy with you again? No.
- Can I ever love you the way I did yesterday? No.
The bottom line: I've been trodden on by the one person I loved unconditionally and expected nothing I would normally expect from. There is nothing in this situation I can ignore.
For now, you have changed everything.
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