Changes

I'm at this juncture in my life where I need to decide what to do with the rest of it. 

It's a little early for me to be having a midlife crisis, but imagine this: if I died today, I would not have lived at all. 

1992-Present

???????????

Loved by ????

Remembered fondly by ????

I've come to a land of opportunities and done nothing to seize them. Starting today, that's going to change. I'm going to do yoga, salsa dance, write, go to class, love, party, work, drink starbucks, eat mac and cheese and watch movies in foreign languages. 

I'm going to be a better friend than I have ever been before. And a better girlfriend, too.

Starting today, I'm going to try to make every day a day well lived.

Issues

It's been a while since I blogged. I could say it's because I'm done with the pretentiousness of the TMI-generation, but really, I'm not. I'm just as eager to put myself out there as anyone else is. 

The problem?

There are some things that are just too difficult to put into words. 

My thoughts, feelings, insecurities, deviances, worries, anxieties, crises - I wish I wasn't alone with them. I wish I could get advice, help, support, love....whatever it takes.  

All I wish for is the one nameless panacea that can save me from everything that messes me up inside. 

I can't put the feeling into words but yet people can sense it - in old comments, photos, memories, tweets, blogposts- thoughts, feelings, insecurities, deviances, worries, anxieties, crises - they're splashed all over your news feed, this blog, that website, those comments. 

I had stopped blogging in an attempt to hide from the world, to stop baring my soul and my vulnerabilities for all to see. I wanted to hide my fears, gloss over my secrets and bury my anxieties with silence.

But now I've realized that I'm too late.