Changes

I'm at this juncture in my life where I need to decide what to do with the rest of it. 

It's a little early for me to be having a midlife crisis, but imagine this: if I died today, I would not have lived at all. 

1992-Present

???????????

Loved by ????

Remembered fondly by ????

I've come to a land of opportunities and done nothing to seize them. Starting today, that's going to change. I'm going to do yoga, salsa dance, write, go to class, love, party, work, drink starbucks, eat mac and cheese and watch movies in foreign languages. 

I'm going to be a better friend than I have ever been before. And a better girlfriend, too.

Starting today, I'm going to try to make every day a day well lived.

Issues

It's been a while since I blogged. I could say it's because I'm done with the pretentiousness of the TMI-generation, but really, I'm not. I'm just as eager to put myself out there as anyone else is. 

The problem?

There are some things that are just too difficult to put into words. 

My thoughts, feelings, insecurities, deviances, worries, anxieties, crises - I wish I wasn't alone with them. I wish I could get advice, help, support, love....whatever it takes.  

All I wish for is the one nameless panacea that can save me from everything that messes me up inside. 

I can't put the feeling into words but yet people can sense it - in old comments, photos, memories, tweets, blogposts- thoughts, feelings, insecurities, deviances, worries, anxieties, crises - they're splashed all over your news feed, this blog, that website, those comments. 

I had stopped blogging in an attempt to hide from the world, to stop baring my soul and my vulnerabilities for all to see. I wanted to hide my fears, gloss over my secrets and bury my anxieties with silence.

But now I've realized that I'm too late. 

You look at me like you could save me
You could, you know...

Six Months *_*

It turns out that I have spent six months in a relationship with somebody without being sick of them. For me, this is a stellar accomplishment, especially considering that I am something of an eternally single cat lady/a free spirit.

When I think back to how we started dating, it doesn't really make much sense at all. But in my life, things rarely ever make sense. I'm just glad it happened.

I can safely say that I've never been romantically loved before. But I feel it now - and - I'm not going to lie, it feels pretty damn awesome. It's also a little hard to believe, since I am principally defined by my flaws and quirks: I am morbidly obsessed with ice and coffee, I am often unpredictable, I am secretly a cat, I sometimes let my life spiral out of control and I am an old soul on the inside. And on to physical deformities: I have gaping pores, remain stubbornly flat-chested and have no idea how to style my hair, so it always just floats about in the wind like a mass of brownish-gold seaweed.

With relationships in general, I try not to let myself go at such a premature stage. But we've been doing long distance, and for some reason, that makes me feel like we've fast-forwarded through the normal pace of a relationship by being so absolutely committed at such an early stage.

I'm a lucky girl...I know it. Girls everywhere want to have what I have. I love him - and I value this relationship more than I've ever valued any other one in my life. I really hope I can hold on to it for many many many more happy months to come :)

Day 30

A Picture of Someone You Miss

[See below]

Day 29

A picture that can always make you smile

Justttt this honestly adorable picture :P

Day 28

A picture of something you're afraid of.

**SHUDDER**

blood

Day 27

A picture of yourself and a family member.

See Day 14.

Day 26

A picture of something that means a lot to you.

Succeeding. Achieving. It means EVERYTHING to me. 

Day 25

A picture of your day.

I spent the better part of my day shopping for ingredients and cooking this pasta with minced garlic, sauteed mushrooms, shredded chicken and parmesan cheese :D

Day 24

A picture of something you wish you could change.

My attitude, sometimes. :/

Photo courtesy: $chix0r by DeviantArt

Day 23

A picture of your favourite book.

Currently Julian Barnes' Flaubert's Parrot.

Day 22

A picture of something you wish you were better at.

Writing.

Day 21

A picture of something you wish you could forget.

My ghosts...

Day 20

A picture of a place you'd like to travel.

MIAMI BEACH

Day 19

Favourite look from a beauty guru.

I don't know who does her look

but DAMN they do it well

Day 18

A picture of your biggest insecurity.

Day 17

A picture of someone who has made a huge impact on your life recently.


Oh Mehar...there are too many photos of you on my blog.
I love you, I love you, I love you and I love you.

Day 16

A picture of someone who inspires you.

Jhumpa Lahiri...and how!

Day 15

A picture of something you want to do before you die.

This boy :P

LOL JK

-_-

Look at you people and your dirty minds

Hmm. Before I die.

What I actually want to do

Is own a house with a swimming pool.

HELL YES!

A Normal 18 Year Old

"I was a normal eighteen-year-old: shuttered, self-conscious, untravelled and sneering; violently educated, socially crass, emotionally blurting." 

Day 14

A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.

My father, my best friend, my rock, my confidante, my partner in crime - my soulmate.

Day 13

A picture of your favourite band or artist.

Currently it's porcupine tree. It might change though...it always does :P

Day 12

A picture of something you love

Cheese popcorn
FUCK
I LOVE IT SO MUCH
FFFUUUUCCCCKKK

Day 11

A picture of something you hate.

MATHHHH

NO

GET IT AWAY FROM ME

Day 10

A picture of the person you do/talk about the most messed up things with.

:P Him

Day 9

A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.

My crazy, beautiful best friend :]

Day 8

Something that can always make you laugh.

ALWAYS.

Day 7

A picture of your most treasured item.

My gold necklace. Originally made before I was born, because Sasha was supposed to be my name. It has many meanings for me. The Om pendant is a recent addition - just a little part of India I can always wear. 

Day 6

A picture of a person who you wouldn't mind trading places with for a day.

HELL YES.

The King.

“Sex is not required to sell my films. Just my name is enough.”

Day 5

A picture of your favourite memory.

The night I fell in love with you :]

Cherie's 18th Birthday

:D

Day 4

A picture of a habit you wish you didn't have:

Ice and caffeine.
Even worse when they're together....
Damn you frappuccinos!

Day 3

A Picture of the Cast From Your Favourite Show

Best de-stresser EVAH!

Day 2

A picture of yourself and someone you have been close with for a while.

My bestest frand. 

:D

30 Day Challenge - Day 1

1. Post a photo of yourself and 15 facts about you.

1. Trident Tropical Twist Gum is my favorite flavor of gum.
2. I honestly wish I could live up to my New Year's resolutions.
3. I have earrings shaped like owls.
4. My favorite book is The Stranger by Albert Camus.
5. I've always really thought I would look great in red but have never owned a red dress.
6. I have the best boyfriend in the entire world.
7. I love pickles. So much.
8. I still don't know what I want to do with my life.
9. I can't, for the life of me, understand takeout boxes.
10. I want cookie monster gloves.
11. I cannot do my eyebrows very well.
12. I ALWAYS read and never reply on BBM. I'm probably a horrible person but I never seem to have much to say.
13. I hate writing facts about myself because there's not a lot to me.
14. When I was asked if I would bang my boyfriend or Chuck Bass, my answer would be both. Preferably at the same time.
15. My eyes are the most attractive part of me. 

Valentine's Day

So this is my first Valentine's Day...

I'm excited!

I used to be one of those girls that was all, "ugh. Valentines is lame. And so are heterosexual relationships. I am SO over that shit *bubble gum pop*"

Except, weirdly enough, that's changed. I blame the boyfriend. I used to be nauseated by couples that are like us. Oh well.

As happy as a heepo :)

Stylish Award

I wonder why anyone would give me this award. But Bee did. :S


My blog is a mess. It's chaotic, messy and all over the place. But mostly it's a pastiche, just like I am.

1) Thank and link back to the person who gave you this award.

Meow. Thanks Bee. :P

2) Share 7 things about yourself on your blog

 - I can eat an entire jar of Nutella in a short span of about 30 minutes.

- I wish I could be prettier and less awkward-looking. All the girls around me are just so beautiful and put together with their accessories and their cute clothes. And then there's me in  my dorky turtlenecks and shorts over tights. Seriously, who even wears turtlenecks and tights? Everyone also has better hair than me. Meow.

- Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have lived another life. Would I be where I am today without all the hardships I've faced? Would I still be me? 

- I don't believe in a first draft. I always turn in my essays and assignments like I would the final. My first drafts usually include a works cited list, cover page, page numbers, double spacing, 1" margins and appropriate headers and footers. 

- I wish I really knew how to leverage the tools that I have access to. Like my Macbook. I basically use it the same way I used to use my Windows PC. Which I don't really appreciate, because I dropped a bomb on this bitch.

- I love my boyfriend. I love him so absolutely and completely that it scares me sometimes. I have never ever ever ever felt so deeply attached to anyone in my entire life.

- I have more than 25 scarves and I wear a new one every day of the month.

3) Award 10 Bloggers whose blogs you like:

Meh. No. Eff that. Probably you though: Chumblebee.

:/

Whenever I'm being unproductive, I feel so DEPRESSED.
Sigh.

One By One

It's so effing DIFFICULT to just do things one by one. I landed in Boston just yesterday, and I already have a daunting to-do list towering over my little head. 

I still have to finish buying all my books. I ordered some off Amazon but I have to go to the bookstore in the freezing snow to pre-order a special package for Greek Civ. which was designed for BU so I can't get it anywhere else. I already have a 30-page article to read and annotate for WR150 tomorrow as well as a test for COM201. Already! 

Plus, I'm seriously running short of money over here :/ I spent nearly $300 on books, and that too when I bought used ones (cheaper) instead of new. And ordered from Amazon (also cheaper.) I need money to buy groceries and munchies as well as to go out with friends and do laundry, so this money situation is basically making my life impossible. My phone wasn't working when I got back because I didn't pay my bills before I left,  and Sprint charged me this insane late fee so the rest of my money went there.

I've unpacked, but not done so very neatly. Therefore, I have to reorganize my drawers and buy some hangers so that my cupboard is all neat again. I also have to organize my shoes because they're kind of all over the place (which disturbs me) Let's not even TALK about vacuuming my room because I have to do that to. And recycle my trash. Oh and go to work.

En plus, I have to go to the International Scholars office or whatever and check myself in and be all OHAI IM ALIVE AND BACK! And I have to pick up my paycheck.

I'm so damn tired from the jet lag. Don't know what to do with myself when I wake up at 4 AM wondering why I'm not with Chumbles or eating strawberries with Sanj. 

Everything I do here is timed. My showers take exactly nineteen minutes and my Skype dates exactly forty. I try to finish pieces of homework within certain time limits, too.

Oh, how I crave Mumbai and the joblessness I enjoyed there.

Boston

I'm back!


H & M are such idiots. They dragged me out for hukkah the day I got back, and I was so tired and jet lagged I could have died. There's just so much to DO. 


I have to buy my books, because when I went to the bookstore they only had a few. So I have to special-order the rest and I've ordered some off Amazon.


I just paid my phone bill, much to the glee of Cherrybee and Pee and Sroosshhteee.


:/


Meow.


I miss Mehar

My Resolutions

Alright, so I'm eight days too late.

But a resolution is a resolution no matter when you make it, right?

So here goes:

1. STOP EATING SO MANY ICY THINGS

This means no more daily fraps from Starbucks. I think I should limit these to once a week unless I want my sinuses to kill me.

2. Gain some weight

I know this seems like a weird resolution, especially considering that most people want to lose weight rather than gain it. But I need the fat if I'm ever going to have sex. OK I know you just re-read that last part, but it's TRUE! Nobody is ever going to want to bang a stick.

3. Blog more

Lookie what I'm doing right meow (inspired by Cherrybee who really knows why blogs were made :P)

:P

4. Prove all those anti-long-distance bitches wrong

'nuff said

5. Start watching glee :P

6. WORK HARDER + no more late nite shifts!

7. Spend money on ONE expensive nice thing rather than a bunch of crap from Forever21.