Me

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Boston, Massachussetts, United States
I'm not limited to the blank canvas I was born as. My life is an eclectic melange of vivid colour. I float in a sea of multifarious musings, ranging from worlds of lime green skies and copper stars to winged objects and fairy dust. I am the flirtatiousness of cherry chap-stick, the depths of the cerulean ocean and the violet skies of Monet. I am the brooding dark green of dense foliage, the crimson tint in a blushing girl’s cheeks; the purple of bruised limbs. The complexity of my thoughts keeps evolving, I grow and shrink alternately. I cannot be contained or restrained. The French language is my drug and acne is my worst enemy. I laugh a little too much and am a romantic in the extreme sense. I’m likely to steal the stars from the sky, but my aims remain grounded in reality. I can’t be pigeonholed into a single stereotype, because all labels apply to me at different points in time.

Monday, July 12, 2010

What Happened?

"so I wait for you like a lonely house 
till you will see me again and live in me. 
Till then my windows ache."  - Pablo Neruda


When did everything get so fucking SAD?


It feels like just yesterday that I was in a perfect relationship with  perfect guy, hanging out with my perfect, fun-loving friends, getting perfect grades, learning perfect lessons from my perfect teachers and looking perfect all the time.


Now I'm randomly talking to people I don't even know. I've got this little-sister-type  girl looking up to me when I don't even feel worthy of being looked up to. Not in the least. I'm wasting myself away on Facebook and Blogger all day and I'm constantly obsessing about a guy that doesn't even care about me - a guy that broke my heart, by the way. I haven't even talked to some of my friends in over a week and I've become a mood-swinging recluse. I'm going to movies ALONE. I've lost my will to study. Even making lists and colour-coding seems like a chore rather than something that comes naturally. Ditto writing.


And the weirdest fucking thing about this whole thing is, I feel like I've just been watching it all happen. Letting it happen. To me. To little miss nerves of steel, little miss heartbreaker, little miss ain't-nothing-gonna-break-me-down. Now I'm just little miss heartbroken. It's like I am unable to take an active part in anything because my brain is always somewhere other than where it should be. Specifically, my brain is right there with my heart in Salt Lake City, Utah.


I've just let go of the strong hold I've always had on my emotions since my first ugly breakup. I'm tired of holding on to them so I've just let them take over. Which is wrong. Really is.


I have to do something.


I have to take back my life.
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3 comments:

  1. UnknownJuly 12, 2010 at 2:33 PM

    You do. And you will. I know you will. :)
    We should go for a walk today. I have lots to tell you. :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. neonlightsJuly 12, 2010 at 5:10 PM

    You have to, and you will.
    :)
    You're strong, and you can do it. Remember how you told me to forget, forgive and move on? You can and should do the same. It won't be easy, but one step at a time is how it works.
    We're here with you, anyway. So why worry?
    <3

    ReplyDelete
  3. SrushtiJuly 14, 2010 at 3:42 PM

    You are such an amazing person, you know? I don't know why you should lose yourself to some silly non-entity, on another continent in an insignificant town.
    You do realise that you're worth much more than a guy who dumped you because he could not handle long distance right?
    So, just be strong. And I'm always there for you, and you know it.
    I love my Goose.
    <3

    ReplyDelete

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